“It’s like I’m a magnet for emotionally unavailable men.”
No sooner had I said those words than the revelation pierced me in my spirit. I truly was creating my own chaos. I had been entertaining my own enemy. In that very moment I knew it was time to change the landscape of my life.
In The Path To Love by Deepak Chopra, he notes, “However good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the ‘right’ person, because he or she is a mirror of who you are inside”. I read those words just days after my epiphany. And as soon as I read them, I came back to the afore-mentioned conversation that had provided me with enlightenment.
The full weight of my dating experiences (ways of relating to men) hit me like a mac truck. My experiences were the result of my compartmentalizing my feelings in an effort to prevent a potential heartache.
This blessing of falling in love comes from spirit, but it can be blocked by ego. Ego is responsible for protecting your self-image; it creates the compartments where everything undesirable about you has been hidden. What blocks love is not the presence of these shadow energies but the division of the psyche that came about when your ego started building inner walls. Love is a flow, and walls keep the flow out (Chopra, 1997)
I had been operating at an emotional minimum and the result was my attracting men who also operated at the same frequency. One-by-one the names and experiences were recalled to my memory. I was darn-near emotionally bankrupt, and if I didn’t wise up soon, I would keep attracting men who were merely able and/or interested in committing on a surface level. For years I had built up these fortified barriers in an attempt to “protect” myself from being hurt and/or disappointed from love. As I write these words now it seems so asinine to “say” that love has the possibility to “hurt” and/or “disappoint”. After all, Chopra points out that love:
- Makes us safe
- Makes us certain
- Ousts all fear
- Unveils immortality
- Brings peace
- Harmonizes differences
- Brings us closer to God
If all of these things are true about love, then you can understand how ludicrous my previous assumptions about love were—having the ability to “hurt” and/or “disappoint”.
Nevertheless, in relaying my recent emotional and spiritual breakthroughs to my hypnotherapist, Sarah, we talked about my “unhealthy ways of relating to men.” Over the years I had become this person who yearned to love and be loved, but the “loving” I was giving and receiving was a fear-based pseudo-love. It wasn’t authentic because…
…love can feel too personal, even for ourselves; it pokes into those compartments where our negative self-image is stored…to love another person involves opening up your whole being (Chopra, 1997)
I have been afraid to truly open up the contents of my heart. There are so many things in the there that I didn’t like, so I couldn’t fathom how another human (spiritual) being could see the ugly things within me, and still want to stick around. But like Deepak Chopra points out, we have to open up our entire being to another person if we truly are seeking love in its purest form. That means that we first have to embrace the “ugly” that resides inside us, but at the same time, not allow it to limit our love of self. After we have learned to love ALL of what we are: good, bad, and some “ugly”, we can then show ALL that we are to those with whom we want to relate—male and female.
Now that I have embarked on this “path to love”, I am hopeful. I am hopeful because I have the assurance that ALL of who I am is perfect, whole, and complete (a mantra shared with me by Sarah). This journey of mine is affording me daily opportunities to love and be loved completely, fully, and without condition. In closing, I leave you with words that have recently given me hope and peace.
Pearls of Wisdom from The Path To Love by Deepak Chopra
“You were created to be completely loved and completely lovable for your whole life.”
“In spirit you are pure love.”
“The reason you do not feel completely loved and completely lovable is that you do not identify with your spiritual nature.”
“When you find your path, you will also find your love story.”
“When you truly find love, you find yourself.”