Author’s Note: What follows is the first installment of what will be a weekly fiction piece I’ve chosen to title The Misadventures of Sister Girl. Truth be told, I haven’t dabbled in writing fiction since my senior writing project at Denison University (’98). But one of my current students inspired me to “pick up my pen” and write. So here I am, returning to my first love: fiction. I am not completely certain how Sister Girl’s story will unfold, but I am definitely having a great time developing characters, conflict(s), and dialogue. I hope you enjoy this piece and those that follow. If you have suggestions for plot development or anything else, please drop me a line. And, as always, happy reading!
from The Misadventures of Sister Girl: “Manhood MMS”
The next morning I awoke to the image of his manhood staring me in my face–literally. If I’d acknowledged that as I sign, I may not be in my current predicament. The joker who sent me a pic of his manhood doesn’t call me; he texts me and calls it “talking”. He’s delusional. And so am I for that matter—at least to a degree.
My apologies. I should introduce myself. My name is Olivia, Olivia Washington. Most of my friends call me Liv however. Liv—the irony. I’m a living, breathing, walking, talking irony. I’ll let you keep reading to determine if my irony is situational or dramatic. Live. I suppose you could call what I do live. I like to think that I live to the beat of my own drum. I’m not much concerned with how others view me—at least that hasn’t been the case as of late. I make attempts to live my life in a way that pleases me. And then there are those moments when I seem to just be existing—accepting the crumbs from the Master’s table instead of demanding a full plate. And therein lies my dilemma. My mother probably wouldn’t approve of the myriad of things I’ve seen and done, but I’m living for me and not her. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mother. She is the strongest woman I know. Really. Any woman who can stand tall after her husband of twenty years walks out on her is a lioness. She is my SHERO! But she is old school and I’m what you might call new school. But enough about that. Let’s get back to this business of texting and the manhood MMS.
Like I said, I should have acknowledged that MMS as a sign. No, it wasn’t a sign that the stars had aligned and I had found my sexual equal. It was a red, hot, shiny STOP sign! But I wasn’t thinking stop when I saw it. I was thinking . . . yes, you know damn well what I was thinking. Any virile single woman with half a brain was thinking what I was thinking. Yep, that’s exactly what I was thinking. And the look on my face said it all. It’s a good thing no one was around to see me lick my lips, bite down on my lower lip, and shake my head from side to side. Because that is exactly what I did. What I needed was for someone to shake the shit out of me—not literally—but figuratively shake some sense into/out of me because after I looked at that image long enough I had lost all sense of reality. And I’m pretty sure you know exactly what transpired after I took a long (pun intended) look at his manhood—yes, that’s exactly what happened. But before we get to that, I’ve got to tell you how this Joker, Mr. Manhood (Davis Reed), and I came to be acquainted.
Davis and I grew up orbiting each others social satellites. It just so happens that we grew up in the same small town, but never had the pleasure of being anything other than acquaintances in our younger days. I dated friends of his which only allowed us to come into contact for instances of small talk over the years. But it wasn’t until we found out that we lived in the same city, over 2,000 miles from home, that our paths crossed again—nearly fifteen years later.
Despite the fact that I believe social media platforms (one in particular) are the spawn of Satan, one in particular has at times been beneficial for communicative purposes. In the case of my reconnecting with Davis Reed, this one platform had a redemptive moment.
Davis Reed: 6/16, 10:22pm
How have you been Liv?
Liv Washington: 6/16, 10:23pm
I could complain, but I won’t right now.
Davis Reed: 6/16, 10:26pm
True dat. So when are we gonna finally hang out?
Liv Washington: 6/16, 10:31pm
IDK. Call me sometime and we’ll figure it out. 555-555-5555
Davis Reed: 6/16, 10:33pm
I will. Thanks. BTW, here is my number 111-111-1111
I figured we would do our regular song and dance and I wouldn’t hear from him until he caught me online again. I’m really not sure why I gave him my number anyway. I had no intention of seeing him. After all, he and his buddies had probably already talked “shop” about my high school misadventures, and that was reason enough for me to evade him to infinity. But I underestimated Davis. I had hoped he’d forget about me and my phone number. He didn’t.
Liv, why haven’t I seen you yet?
I suck at keeping in touch—
among other things. LOL
I shouldn’t have gone there. But I’m a work in progress. Living at an emotional low during the transmission of his text, I was in need of some attention, any attention. I baited him, just like he would later bait me with that Manhood MMS.
How can I make it up to you Mr. Reed?
Meet me for lunch.
Okay. Pick a day.
But it’s not lunchtime.
It’s ten at night.
It’s lunch somewhere.
LOL. Good point.
I’m already in my pajamas though.
We’ve already established that.
Seriously though. How about tomorrow?
I suppose I can wait another day.
You’ve only blown me off for the past four years.
I haven’t begun to blow you off; I can show you better than I can tell you.
Ouch! That hurt.
You throwing jabs already?
My bad. I heard you liked it rough.
What does he know? What has he heard from his buddies?
I don’t know where your “intelligence” is coming from,
but that is only partially true.
You ain’t changed a bit.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
The texting back and forth persisted well into the night. Not once did he take the initiative to call, but I didn’t press the issue either. I kept right on texting . . . until I fell asleep.
The next morning . . .
Does President Obama know about your WMD?
LMAO. Umm . . . no.
That’s a nice piece of equipment you’re working with.